Sunday, April 20, 2008

KKLX Devon's Morning Show Transcript

Devon: "This is the Morning Show on KKLX Radio, warning people about to head out on the morning commute that the acid rain has an oil index of 4.8, and an ash index of 3, which means the roads are going to be as slick as ice out there. GridGuide™ is advising leaving for work at least fifteen minutes early, as the top speeds are going to be lowered in the interest of safety. With that bit of information out of the way, the lines are already ringing, Caller One, you're on the air!"

Caller One (Female): "Yeah Devon, got a beef here. Wasn't GridGuide™ put into place so that we wouldn't have these delays from things like the weather? I mean, that's what the information sent around said when I voted for having it installed at taxpayer's expense!"

Devon: "Yes, but GridGuide™ only lowers the speeds when the ash index hits 2.5 or more. Something that didn't happen until a few years ago. That also was in the datafax. Luckily, this only happens a dozen or so times a year. Next caller, you're on the KKLX Morning Show!"

Caller Two (Female): "Hello Devon. Here's the issue, with the election coming up soon, this is going to be the first where Augmented Reality is being used for the advertising. The thing is, the AROs are being hacked all the time! And some of them are quite offensive! I have children that use AR for their school social club and to do their homework while on the bus home!"

Devon: "That's a good issue, but I think that one will have to be answered by the politicians in question. How can we honestly expect them to keep up their promises of protecting the people and showing our interests, when they can't even protect and project their own campaign? Let's see how they answer that in the near future with their own AROs. Next caller, you're on the air!"

Caller Three (Male): "Yeah! Devon, never miss a show! My issue is seeing all these new SUVs coming back into popularity. Yeah, they're hybrid vehicles, but are much less efficient than smaller cars, and you only ever see one person in them. Aren't we supposed to be SON OF A SLI..." *Click*

Devon: "Callers, please, remember, this is a publicly broadcast show going out on Matrix Radio Live. No foul language. Now, with that warning, next caller."

Caller Four: *Strange, unknown, and sinister sounds*

Devon: "Caller four?"

Caller Four: *Sounds continue*

Devon: "Weird. Anyhow, this is KKLX Morning Show, now taking a commercial break."

Transcript by: CanRay
Artwork by: Mike Underhill

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

HEY! Caller Three! Yeah, I know who you are!

First off, if you're going to MANUALLY DRIVE, don't call someone! Grid Guide has a fragin' autopilot so you hoopholes don't kill yourselves while on the phone!

Second, TURN INDICATORS! USE THEM!

Third, if you cut off a guy that's driving a Cruiser Motorcycle when you're on an Electric Dodge Scoot, and you weigh less than the BATTERIES for the Scooter, don't be surprised with what happens!

Anonymous said...

Mmm. Caller #3, I bet you're hot! RRW...do you have his number? Maybe I can get him cooled down...although where would the fun be in that? Mmm! Sooo HOT! Gotta love a biker with a concience. Yes, RRW. I AM laughing at you. Still wouldn't mind meeting that biker though!

Anonymous said...

*several soycafs later*

RRW...I see you're the biker whose hoop I'm after. Why don't you just forget what I said earlier? Except the bit about hotness.

Hey, it was a long night okay? But I could always fit you in. *wink*

Anonymous said...

After checking your AR Profile, Chava, I gotta say...

I really, really, really, REALLY hate my life right now.

Biz is goin' down, Hon. And time is the last thing I have right now.

Anonymous said...

OK, this ins't a dating board. Take it to PM.

Someone think about the ShadowBrats!

Anonymous said...

Aww. Pity. Gimme a howl when biz picks up, sweety. Or is that sweaty?

Mmm. Feeling left out, SysOp? I'm sure I can arrange something...even for the likes of you! MWA!

Barrio Billy said...

God, I love GridGuide. It makes the bad drivers even more careless than they were before.

Getting to the point, I have to use a Citymaster just to go out for a pack of smokes.

Anonymous said...

GridGuide was a good investment when the installation was going on. Money poured into it left right and centre, but now that it's installed, the licenses for it barely handle the upkeep.

Just glad I pulled my money out of it before Crash 2.0. I'm surprised the company survived all the lawsuits. Thank goodness for "State of Emergency" clauses, eh?

Anonymous said...

Aw, muh widdle braty neh-pews wuz jus' havin' fun wit' da Eh-Rowes.

Guud trainin' fer da hackin' type stuff. Naht be sum dum musckle like mez.