MANI BLASKIL'S NEWSBRIEF - YAKUZA

Uber kudos, God-fearing citizens of Seattle!

This is Mani Blaskil, and today I’d like to chat a little about our newest headlines, the Yakuza.

Let’s leave these guys alone, we’ve got bigger fish to fry. People are worried about a little organized crime that’s been there since the birth of this great city, but they’re here, always have been and they keep to themselves.

We’ve got monsters, real monsters right out there on our front doorstep, those metahumans who are sneaking around at night when the rest of us God-fearing families sleep, they’re out doing whatever dastardly deed it is that they do at that horrendous hour.

It’s time to put the reins to these lawless metahumans, demand justice! Forget about the Yakuza, they’re just Asian businessmen. Let them pay their taxes and everything will work itself out in the end. It’s time we start giving Asians a fair shake and well, humans in general. If we can’t control these evil metahumans and drive them out of our communities, humans will just be a poorly written chapter in history. It’s time we stand up and demand that Lone Star take some proper action against all these “awakened” types.

Let’s go to the phones:

Caller: “Hi Mani, I’ve been listening to your show, and aren’t metahumans just people who’ve been changed or something…”

Mani: “No, see that’s where you’re wrong, they aren’t people in the traditional sense of the word any more than cancer is a part of the body. Yah, the body might have grown it, it’s inside the body, but it’s wrong, it’s not a natural thing to be there, and if it’s not surgically removed, you die.”

Caller: “Ahh. That makes a lot of sense. I see them all the time on my walk to work and they always kind of scare me. I guess I’m not the only one.”

Mani: “You are definitely not, and that’s just the point I’m trying to make here. We have tax paying citizens afraid to go out of their house ‘cause it’s like the God damned Muppet show out there! Call your folks at Lone Star if you see them causing a shootout or something.”

Caller: “Thanks Mani, and uber kudos to you too!”

This is Mani Blaskil, Seattle’s Mr. Right saying, “Good luck and stay safe.”

Artwork by Mike Underhill

MANI BLASKIL'S NEWSBRIEF - TECHNOMANCERS AT LARGE!

Good afternoon, I'm Mani Blaskil.

Today, I want to talk about Technomancers.

These so-called "Matrix Elite" are hiding among us and committing heinous crimes against humanity and god himself. They need to be rounded up and exterminated, for the good of all mankind.

In my opinion, the UCAS government needs to take drastic action immediately, before another god loving citizen of Seattle is killed or hacked, by one of these soulless monsters.

Let's take a call:
"Hi Mani! Long time listener, first time caller. I used to know a guy, that had his PAN hacked by a Technomancer. His bank account was wiped out and his reputation was ruined in an instant. Not sure where he's living now, but I'm sure he's squatting somewhere...

If the government won't take care of this problem, then it's time for us to take matters into our own hands."

Artwork by Mike Underhill