Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Sombrero negro de la Madrecita

Your friendly streetdoc and talismonger. Come to me for custom made telesma and foci, or for reagents and radical reagents. I do keep stock of the most common items, but I prefer to work on a commission basis. If I don’t have what you need, chances are I can get it, or I can make it... and if not, then I probably know who can. Feel free to check my rep. I really recommend you do before showing up.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Criara’s Limo Services

Need quick and secure transportation in supreme comfort? We offer a wide selection of chauffeured vehicles, from fast and sleek sport limos to armoured off-roaders. Site-to-site transport, on-call, or extended renting options available. Discretion guaranteed. Find us on the Matrix today.

Logo and Text by: Keita Haruka

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Gorilla Geurilla Journalist: The New Urban Wilderness

[Announcer]: "Live on Chip! It's Video Pirates of Seattle, Jacking your Trid and Expanding your Minds! Listen to the only TRUE voice of Seattle's Masses! And now your host... Trid-Pirate-1138"

[Trid-Pirate-1138]: "HELLO TRUE BELIEVERS! It is I, Trid-Pirate-1138, bringing you THE TRUTH! The most TRUTH you can hope for in these dark days! Today we're expanding your mind in ways that even designer drugs can't! We're doing it by the TRUTH OF EDUCATION! Brought to you by Mutual of Washington, and the Gorilla Geurilla Journalist!"

//play GGJ_131.3DV :: Text Transcript with Graphic Description = On//

The sound of a large vehicle coming to a stop and a motor being turned off can be heard in the background. The screen flickered through several bursts of static before being filled by the rubbery face of a gorilla. The blue eyes blink a few times as the angle is adjusted and it backs away revealing the interior of a classic GMC Bulldog van.

"There we go. I think it’s secure."

The short figure had a broad physique, hairy arms and powerful hands. In addition to his trademark Gorilla mask he wore a pair of Grey slacks and T-shirt with the words "I (Heart) NY" But the NY are crossed out and replaced by the word SEATTLE. Behind him was a taller figure in beige clothing and wearing a Crocodile mask.

"And welcome once again to another exciting instalment of the Gorilla Guerilla Journalist. I am of course the Gorilla your dreams and this is my associate..."

"Crikey! Oi’m, Ripley the Croc."

"Yes. And today we are starting a new segment in my reports called...."

Suddenly an electronic fanfare filled the air and large dynamic virtual letters stating "The New Urban Wilderness" filled the screen for a moment with the sounds of animals screeching and roaring along with traffic and gunshots.

"...The New Urban Wilderness! Yes. We shall occasionally observe the wildlife we have right here in the Metropolis that we know as Seattle... and even more occasionally other cities. Tonight we start by examining a true survivor in our concrete jungle. Right Ripley?"

"Too Roit. T’day we take a hard look at underdweller known as the common Halloweener. "

"That’s right, Ripley. These gangers can be easily recognized by their Orange and black plumage which includes smearing these colours on their faces with a variety of clays, paints and even make-up from the female cosmetic section of your local department store."

"Heh. No wondah these wozzers have adopted the image of a FLAMING skull as their Gang Symbol." Ripley added a effeminate flourish to the way he said ‘flaming’ and chuckled at his own joke before continuing, "Now these bonzer locals put on a good show of force when in large groups but more than often will back down from a show of superior numbers... or anything that even looks like a fair fight."

"Indeed. These are not your friendliest of Gangers and they prefer to resort to long-range attacks with their weapon of choice... Fire. As seen in this clip."

The screen suddenly hit another moment of datastatic before a view of a normal night time Seattle street was seen. It panned over to an alleyway where a small group of make-up smeared Halloweeners huddled together taking furtive glances over to where the camera was before they were illuminated by the freshly burning rags in two bottles. The skinny one wheeled back on one leg and let his fly though the air.

The bottle was kept in mid frame as it passed far overhead of the camera operator and tumbled in a graceful arc across the street to where is smashed into a Lone Star cruiser in front of a small donut shop, setting it ablaze... much to the surprised expression of the two uniformed officers sitting in the booth by the window enjoying their soycaf.

A moment later a second bottle struck a man in a trench coat and his motorcycle causing him to thrash about in a fiery dance.

The screen flickered back to the Gorilla and Ripley as then shook their heads.


"Oi... Very sad."

"It’s a sad state of affairs when a gang has to resort to setting cop cars to feel better about their current position on the Gangland food chain. Isn’t that right Ripley?"

"Oi couldn’t agree with you more Gorilla. And too bad about that guy they set on fire too. But about these Weenies... Y’see a while ago these blighters really ticked off someone in the Renraku... can’t say who but had t’be a downroight important Kowalla or they wouldn’t have sent a Stroik team in to wipe them out. After the survivors crawled out from down undah their rocks they went back to their old tricks again... but with a boomerang to grind with Renraku. Too bad it wasn’t them they had to be watching out for, eh mate?"

"An excellent point, Ripley. You see in around 2069 they picked a fight with the Elf Gang called the Ancients. Long story short... if I’d have bet on the Ancients I’d be one rich monkey’s uncle right now. So... Being a shadow of their former selves these ‘Weenies cling to what little ground they have with all the tenacity of a cockroach. And oh look... here comes one scuttling along now."

A burst of datastatic and the camera was situated pointing across the street to an alleyway where a particularly hung-over Halloweener struggled to keep himself upright, one hand clutching a bottle of Uncle Gobby’s Gutrot and the other clutching his head. The figure leaned against a wall and went through the motions of dry heaves.

"Crickey, he’s a pathetic looking buggah. Not enough Kilos on that body to keep him from blowing away."

"Yep. Now in accordance to wilderness show tradition there is of course the typical scientific catch and release sequence. Mr Ripley... my Rifle if you will."

"Ere ye go mate."

"Thank you."

The camera pulls back to show the Gorilla with the Tranq rifle slowly tracking the wobbly figure. A long pause was between the two men as he took careful aim.

"As you can see, in it’s native habitat the Halloweener feels secure in undergoing the ritualistic abuse of it’s internal organs by way of putting more preservative grade alcohol into it than your average freshly embalmed corpse. It is debatable if the tranquillizer will have any real effect on a creature so chemically abused, but it’ll be fun finding out. Ah.. He’s now trying to purge the poisons from his system using a method known as Draining the lizard... and giving us a much better target."

The Halloweener Dropped his pants and turning his back to the camera began relieving himself against the wall. The sound of am air-compressed rifle going off was followed by the Halloweener clutching his rear and shuffling about in pain.

"I shot a dart as sharp as glass, and where it landed was his..."


He struggled to pull his pants up to make a proper run for it but only fell over once his modesty was assured. The Gorilla and Ripley ducked out the van to pick up the KO’ed Weenie and toss him into the van. A Burst of Datastatic later and The two masked men were standing over the freaking out gang member as he lay duct-taped to a large reclined wooden plank. A Tracking tag was clipped onto his ear while Ripley drew numbers on his chest in marker.

"So as you can see here we’ve taken samples, weighed and measured this pathetic specimen and are tagging and marking him so we may track his migration patterns for scientific information."

"And believe me, mates... Oi did not enjoy putting in the suppository tracking device... though I suspect this Weenie did."

The Halloweener tried to protest but his words were muffled by the tape over his mouth.

"Anyways this is usually the part of the show were we release the dumb beast back into the wild... but hey... this area of town is crawling with helpful people. We’re just gonna leave him here and I’m certain that some good Samaritan is bound to help him free."

Again the Weenie thrashed against his bonds trying to scream for help, before Ripley held up a knife-long jagged piece of glass. He stayed stock still as Ripley examined it.

"Then again that’d be animal cruelty, wouldn’t it Gorilla?"

"You’re right, Ripley. Let’s give him a fighting chance..."

Ripley nodded and pressed the shard into the weenie’s hand and laughed, his voice muffled by the mask.

"Oi Weenie... If yer as good with a blade as you probably tell yer chums then you can cut yerself free before some less forgiving blighters come across yer sorry hoop. Now if you pardon us we have a Matilda to Waltz."

"So that’s it for this evening’s edition of The New Urban Wilderness. I’m the Gorilla Guerilla Journalist..."

"...And Oi’m Ripley the Croc wishin’ yew all a good walkabout."

Ripley slipped a frog mask on the Halloweener and the two men left camera shot, leaving the trussed up ganger frantically cutting at his bonds with the shard. The scene continues for another minute before a deep husky voice can be heard off camera...

"Hey Bubba... Lookie here. We got us a little Froggie."


//Stop GGJ_131.3DV//

[Trid-Pirate-1138]: “THERE YOU HAVE IT! Ed-hu-mah-kay-shun for the masses that comes not from the Corporate Thieves, but from the TRUTH OF THE STREETS! Stay tuned to this station, the only place where you can get a glimpse of what's really going on in this world! LIVE! ON! CHIP!”

Intro and Outro by: CanRay
Main Body by: Able DuSable
Based on a In-Game Situation with Additional Individuals.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

SPECIAL REPORT - Lone Star's ShadowRiders Intercept Stolen Ammunition Truck

This is Trish Donaldson for WKSN News with a special report from Lone Star.

Last night, in Tacoma on highway 512 Lone Star's Special Forces Unit, the ShadowRiders, intercepted and destroyed a stolen supply of Military Ammunition and Weapons intended to be delivered to a terrorist organization with no fatalities of either police officers or civilians. Two terrorists were killed, whose identification are still pending due to severe burns caused by the ammunition and fuel of the truck.

As the investigation into the terrorist organization is still pending, no further details can be had.

WKSN has been promised full details when they become available. Stay tuned for more on this story and more!

Special Report By: CanRay
WKSN Logo By: Joe Veen

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Public Notice by Starback's International, LTD.

Starback's is announcing a general recall of all it's High-End Soycaff, specifically the "Midnight Serenade” and “Chocolate Thunder” brands for a complete recall, and all other brands for testing. This recall only affects Soycaff products, and does not include recalls of real coffee sales, and the now best-selling Mochabot Chiller that has swept Seattle, and North America, by storm.

This is in response to some concerns to minor contamination from third-party sources of the soy-base with which the Soycaff is based from. The issues pertaining to the contaminants are non-life threatening, non-carcinogenic, and only embarrassing.

Lone Star Riot Teams are being hired by Starback's to be put on High Alert for any issues pertaining to the lack of soycaff in the downtown core of Seattle, and protect the businesses in the economic core of the Metroplex.

Starback's Vice President of Public Relations, Zack Harkley, is quoted as saying, “The concern is that our suppliers switched which fertilizing pellets they used in the hydroponic growing operations without our knowledge, and, when combined with our famous flavouring system, which has been fully tested and approved by the FDA, appears to have caused some unforeseen side effects. This is purely to protect the public, and the testing will be performed with as much haste as possible to ensure the safety of our product on the public that has come to depend on our services.”

“In addition, we are starting a new service after the testing has been concluded. Late-Night delivery of Starback's famous Coffee to late-night workers all over the Metroplex via delivery vans. The added coffee supplies to the areas of Seattle will allow for an increase in night time productivity at factories, office buildings, call centres, and construction facilities, and the morale increase in all those areas should be substantial. We are offering bulk rates for Corporations that wish to co-pay with their employees, and will have full details available for both physical and virtual meetings at any time.”

Starback's, the Coffee Chain that put Seattle on the map!

Notice by: CanRay
Logo by: Mike Underhill

Monday, June 23, 2008

MNN – Cultural Report – The T3

Today's trip leads us to a place where a troll can still be a troll. In Pinehurst, Everett the “T3”, insiders call it the “The Trolls”, opened its gates a couple of years ago. This troll-only club is merely the only one of its kind throughout Seattle. Every Metarace has a place where they can retreat and where they can be among their people. Just trolls were, as usual, discriminated. That’s exactly the reason why managing partner Hakeem Jameson opened the T3 with the extraordinary help from his wife Dora-Lynn and long term friend Mason Welsh.

So I took the step and visited the club. It was amazing what they have done with this old warehouse. Almost 30 feet in height it is even for the last troll some resort where he can stand upright without getting a bad back or neck. I, myself enjoyed the good feeling that there is nothing for about 4 feet above my head. I truly seldomly had seen such a good place. Anyway, so I stepped inside and the sound of some riffs on a synthesizer caught my attention. The stage was in front of me and on it three trolls growled their interpretation of Mercurials classic “Everlasting Paths”. It was great. I almost never saw people being this ecstatic. They were in front of the stage, headbanging their asses off. Light twitched and the scene got a surreal touch. Remembering my intentions to be here I inspected the rest of the place, talking to some of the employees. Catherine, the bartender told me that she loves to work here, “because the T3 is a place were you can be without people accusing you of being a child ripping monster.”

The location is a two floor place with an upstairs lounge where the music is not that loud though the stage can be seen. I’ve been told by owner Hakeem Jameson himself that they have two girls dancing on work nights to please the clubbers. Throughout the week there is a DJ named Trogger who gets the party started and gives the gals a nice rhythm to shake their booties to. There is a cage beneath the stage and a 15 feet platform where either Patricia or Tori works the loop and I definitely will come back to check that out, to give you a full recension of that. Count on me.

This was Terry Webber for Metahuman News Network.

Text by: TecnoSmurfLogo by: Mike Underhill

Friday, June 13, 2008

MicroDeck Returns to Operating System Market with “Archway”

MicroDeck announced that their highly secret project, which had been keeping the computer world guessing while it was under the code-name “Mitnick”, is in reality a new CommLink Operating System that will be marketed under the name “Archway”. Designed for a broad spectrum of hardware systems, MicroDeck promises that it will even function under proprietary hardware systems using their newly developed Poly-Adaptive Hardware Interface.

“The Archway OS is designed with the basic user in mind, and will utilize the standardized iconography that's used the world over, preventing the need for different versions of the OS for different languages. A copy you buy in Japan will be an identical install to one that is purchased in Seattle.” Hans Overmann, Head of Marketing for MicroDeck, stated in the press conference that revealed the new program, “This will allow for ease of transition to any marketplace, as even design differences in the hardware of different equipment available in different countries will not be a problem for Archway. In addition, security is foremost in the Archway's design concept, with a superior security suite system bundled into the OS that's superior to anything at a comparable price.”

“MicroDeck got out of the OS business after Crash 2.0, when it was revealed that their operating systems had been significantly more vulnerable to that event, with not even one of their online systems having been able to be restored in any way. Admittedly, even the best OS under Crash 2.0, ironically enough the old and buggy OS Fuchi ServerMaster 4.8, still had an 88% failure rate, but the blow to consumers confidence in MicroDeck was very telling when the Wireless Matrix Initiative was put into effect, and MD was unable to find any major distributors that were willing to bundle their prototype Wireless-Compatible OS.” Commented Dan Witticker, writer for Wiredless ComputerBlog, “Time will tell if the new Archway will be able to stand up against their more entrenched opponents.”

Brian Gates III was unavailable to comment at the time of posting.

News Release by: CanRay

Logos by: Wesley Street