Thursday, July 10, 2008

Public Notice by Starback's International, LTD.

Starback's is announcing a general recall of all it's High-End Soycaff, specifically the "Midnight Serenade” and “Chocolate Thunder” brands for a complete recall, and all other brands for testing. This recall only affects Soycaff products, and does not include recalls of real coffee sales, and the now best-selling Mochabot Chiller that has swept Seattle, and North America, by storm.

This is in response to some concerns to minor contamination from third-party sources of the soy-base with which the Soycaff is based from. The issues pertaining to the contaminants are non-life threatening, non-carcinogenic, and only embarrassing.

Lone Star Riot Teams are being hired by Starback's to be put on High Alert for any issues pertaining to the lack of soycaff in the downtown core of Seattle, and protect the businesses in the economic core of the Metroplex.

Starback's Vice President of Public Relations, Zack Harkley, is quoted as saying, “The concern is that our suppliers switched which fertilizing pellets they used in the hydroponic growing operations without our knowledge, and, when combined with our famous flavouring system, which has been fully tested and approved by the FDA, appears to have caused some unforeseen side effects. This is purely to protect the public, and the testing will be performed with as much haste as possible to ensure the safety of our product on the public that has come to depend on our services.”

“In addition, we are starting a new service after the testing has been concluded. Late-Night delivery of Starback's famous Coffee to late-night workers all over the Metroplex via delivery vans. The added coffee supplies to the areas of Seattle will allow for an increase in night time productivity at factories, office buildings, call centres, and construction facilities, and the morale increase in all those areas should be substantial. We are offering bulk rates for Corporations that wish to co-pay with their employees, and will have full details available for both physical and virtual meetings at any time.”

Starback's, the Coffee Chain that put Seattle on the map!

Notice by: CanRay
Logo by: Mike Underhill


Epimetheus said...

Ya Gotta love how just one little word can change the meaning of a sentance.

For example the line, "Late-Night delivery of Starback's INFAMOUS Coffee". Now my grammer was always on the poor side but I think Fame and Infamy are two slightly different things.

Anyways all in all I can easily see why Starbacks is gonna be hurtin' for the next litle while. I was WORKING one of those places that got a bad batch of coffee and all I can say is... I am *SO* glad I got the Midnight Serenade instead of the Chocolate thunder like Bennie.
Poor dumb troll drank ten cups.

Money said...

Personally, I'm still amazed the Mochabot Chiller hasn't been banned yet.

Chava said...


"Chocolate Thunder" - Yeah, I can just imagine. Still...that would be better than a "chocolate fountain" under the circumstances.


slim jim said...

Rumor has it that Humanis got their nasty little hands on that Soycaff shipment. I hope none of you chummers drink that drek!

Screamer said...

Humanis I hate those frags more than they hate us metas.

Anonymous said...

For some reason I am reminded of the sage advice...

"Never under any circumstances take a sedative and a laxative at the same time."

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