Thursday, July 10, 2008

Public Notice by Starback's International, LTD.

Starback's is announcing a general recall of all it's High-End Soycaff, specifically the "Midnight Serenade” and “Chocolate Thunder” brands for a complete recall, and all other brands for testing. This recall only affects Soycaff products, and does not include recalls of real coffee sales, and the now best-selling Mochabot Chiller that has swept Seattle, and North America, by storm.

This is in response to some concerns to minor contamination from third-party sources of the soy-base with which the Soycaff is based from. The issues pertaining to the contaminants are non-life threatening, non-carcinogenic, and only embarrassing.

Lone Star Riot Teams are being hired by Starback's to be put on High Alert for any issues pertaining to the lack of soycaff in the downtown core of Seattle, and protect the businesses in the economic core of the Metroplex.

Starback's Vice President of Public Relations, Zack Harkley, is quoted as saying, “The concern is that our suppliers switched which fertilizing pellets they used in the hydroponic growing operations without our knowledge, and, when combined with our famous flavouring system, which has been fully tested and approved by the FDA, appears to have caused some unforeseen side effects. This is purely to protect the public, and the testing will be performed with as much haste as possible to ensure the safety of our product on the public that has come to depend on our services.”

“In addition, we are starting a new service after the testing has been concluded. Late-Night delivery of Starback's famous Coffee to late-night workers all over the Metroplex via delivery vans. The added coffee supplies to the areas of Seattle will allow for an increase in night time productivity at factories, office buildings, call centres, and construction facilities, and the morale increase in all those areas should be substantial. We are offering bulk rates for Corporations that wish to co-pay with their employees, and will have full details available for both physical and virtual meetings at any time.”

Starback's, the Coffee Chain that put Seattle on the map!

Notice by: CanRay
Logo by: Mike Underhill

11 comments:

Epimetheus said...

Ya Gotta love how just one little word can change the meaning of a sentance.

For example the line, "Late-Night delivery of Starback's INFAMOUS Coffee". Now my grammer was always on the poor side but I think Fame and Infamy are two slightly different things.

Anyways all in all I can easily see why Starbacks is gonna be hurtin' for the next litle while. I was WORKING one of those places that got a bad batch of coffee and all I can say is... I am *SO* glad I got the Midnight Serenade instead of the Chocolate thunder like Bennie.
Poor dumb troll drank ten cups.

Money said...

Personally, I'm still amazed the Mochabot Chiller hasn't been banned yet.

Chava said...

[Display_Giggle_Emote]

"Chocolate Thunder" - Yeah, I can just imagine. Still...that would be better than a "chocolate fountain" under the circumstances.

[Display_Grin_Emote]

slim jim said...

Rumor has it that Humanis got their nasty little hands on that Soycaff shipment. I hope none of you chummers drink that drek!

Screamer said...

Humanis I hate those frags more than they hate us metas.

Anonymous said...

For some reason I am reminded of the sage advice...

"Never under any circumstances take a sedative and a laxative at the same time."

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

I sooo wish you could have
the kinda accident I had [NDE]
THEN! you'd know our lifelong
demise is only a litmus test
to see which direction we'll
fly at our General Judgement.
Check-this-out:

Yes, earthling, Im an NDE
so I actually know God exists:
He rewards those who HONOR n RESPECT
Him and strive to follow His Laws;
for those who wanna know what
Seventh-Heaven holds for your
indelible, magnificent soul whom
God has so carefully crafted:

Find-out what RCIA means and join.
[denying Hell will not prevent U.S.
from falling INTO Hellfire, child]

Jesus is the Just Judge.
He only 'reads' what OUR past,
mortal lifetime consisted of;
I'd also strongly urge you to read
'Lui et moi' by Gabrielle Bossis
(a French writer, translated, into
crystal-clear, 100,000W-GE-prose -
a must have for anyone who's
growin-UP in our predestined
relationship determined by YOU).

Make Your Choice -SAW
trustNjesus.
ALWAYS.
God bless you.

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

Dunno if you saw this before...
yet, here it is once moe, curly:

Greetings, earthling! Need summore new-fangled-thots N ideers? Look no firdr, brudda. Can't stay long. Done gotta git, Paw... yet, if Im a sower, we plant the Seed; if Im an artist, we RITE the Word: Would U please help a plethora of King Size, wildchild, rawkuss poetry/wordz which are lookin 4 a home in thy novelty?? Thx. Whew. They're pretty insane. They're bereft of reason. Oi! Blimey! They're bloody PINK spiders!

Gotta gobba lotta shrewd, surreal, supersonic, sardonic satires, sassy N savvy elixers N electronic elegance (and palpable nuance) on our YOUTHwitheTRUTH blogs. Wannum? Have'm. N'joym. Gettm outta my hair!!!How mucha wanna betcha our sugar-high-mojo, pleasure-beyond-measure, fuse-blowin-exploits R a copious madhouse of one lavish bookay D.O.A.? Our proFUSE NRGod who leads U.S. to explosive fairy-tales in the 'one-stop-shop' symphony Upstairs? Almighty God's the BigDude, the Owner of ElysianFields, the Grand Prize, the Austere Overdrive, NoPurchaseNecessary: our bombastic tenaCITY on a Hill which'll plant the Seeds 4u2 grow-up to new N greater heights!! Mama mia! Thatsa good pasta!!

CAUTION: our 22ish, avant-guard, accurately-atrocious, offa-the-reservation-like-Jimmy-Hoffa, metal breadcrumms R sooo out-of-order, toots, they're an intimate wealth of bottomless sophistication. And dats da lethal fak, Jak. Yeah. Go ahead. Sue me. Yawn. But, yet, here's the perennial KOO D'TAH: who else has actually SEEN the Great Beyond in spirit & lived to tella youse bout the bionic, bloated, brevity-like-earth we're living on?? Yes, earthling, Im an NDE, almost salivating4salvation. So gain altitude, never attitude: death has no intrinsick favorites.

If Mr. abSUREditty's an ultra-great-reward, and not everyone enters, Q: why is it an excruciating deluge of epic-.357-caliber where the quality's a limitless bulldozer plowin, pushin-your-power-cord with eternal goodies? A: the Prize-A+-TheEnd just gives U.S. moe-curley-graphix 2 VitSee: an explosion-of-extravagance which few R asking 4 anymore! Grrr. They're too concerned withe grotesque sanity of ambivilant piss-ants which swiftly crawl like lemmings to their scorecard destruction. C'est la guerre.

THANK GAWWWD!!! the Don has the ebullient BAWLS!!! to do the Manifest Destiny!!! To lead U.S. forward to the White House Upstairs with his SQUARES!!!

So, break-free, earthling; be like a contraversial outgrowth of incredibly-intoxicating-effusiveness in your zeitgeist to give the ultimate, stunning, backknuckle potency: Wiseabove. Wanna join this useFULL idiot Upstairs 4 the most zany, kooky, X-acto-knife antidotes? Extremely exquisite, explicit endorphins in abundance? Puh-lenty of pulverizingly-tantalizing psychopathic psychosomatics with eXtras? i2i-kick-velocity's-ass-ultra-maximum-rocket-fuel-party-hardy at my pad ya ever encountered without d'New Joisey accent 4 an eternal slew of precarious, magnanimous & primeval absurdities indelibly etched in the granite corridors of eternity with a total-barrage-of-melt-in-thy-mouth 'depth-of-undenial'???

Make Your Choice  -SAW
...cuzz nobody gitts outta here alive, earthling.

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

Dunno if you saw this before...
yet, here it is once moe, curly:

Greetings, earthling! Need summore new-fangled-thots N ideers? Look no firdr, brudda. Can't stay long. Done gotta git, Paw... yet, if Im a sower, we plant the Seed; if Im an artist, we RITE the Word: Would U please help a plethora of King Size, wildchild, rawkuss poetry/wordz which are lookin 4 a home in thy novelty?? Thx. Whew. They're pretty insane. They're bereft of reason. Oi! Blimey! They're bloody PINK spiders!

Gotta gobba lotta shrewd, surreal, supersonic, sardonic satires, sassy N savvy elixers N electronic elegance (and palpable nuance) on our YOUTHwitheTRUTH blogs. Wannum? Have'm. N'joym. Gettm outta my hair!!!How mucha wanna betcha our sugar-high-mojo, pleasure-beyond-measure, fuse-blowin-exploits R a copious madhouse of one lavish bookay D.O.A.? Our proFUSE NRGod who leads U.S. to explosive fairy-tales in the 'one-stop-shop' symphony Upstairs? Almighty God's the BigDude, the Owner of ElysianFields, the Grand Prize, the Austere Overdrive, NoPurchaseNecessary: our bombastic tenaCITY on a Hill which'll plant the Seeds 4u2 grow-up to new N greater heights!! Mama mia! Thatsa good pasta!!

CAUTION: our 22ish, avant-guard, accurately-atrocious, offa-the-reservation-like-Jimmy-Hoffa, metal breadcrumms R sooo out-of-order, toots, they're an intimate wealth of bottomless sophistication. And dats da lethal fak, Jak. Yeah. Go ahead. Sue me. Yawn. But, yet, here's the perennial KOO D'TAH: who else has actually SEEN the Great Beyond in spirit & lived to tella youse bout the bionic, bloated, brevity-like-earth we're living on?? Yes, earthling, Im an NDE, almost salivating4salvation. So gain altitude, never attitude: death has no intrinsick favorites.

If Mr. abSUREditty's an ultra-great-reward, and not everyone enters, Q: why is it an excruciating deluge of epic-.357-caliber where the quality's a limitless bulldozer plowin, pushin-your-power-cord with eternal goodies? A: the Prize-A+-TheEnd just gives U.S. moe-curley-graphix 2 VitSee: an explosion-of-extravagance which few R asking 4 anymore! Grrr. They're too concerned withe grotesque sanity of ambivilant piss-ants which swiftly crawl like lemmings to their scorecard destruction. C'est la guerre.

THANK GAWWWD!!! the Don has the ebullient BAWLS!!! to do the Manifest Destiny!!! To lead U.S. forward to the White House Upstairs with his SQUARES!!!

So, break-free, earthling; be like a contraversial outgrowth of incredibly-intoxicating-effusiveness in your zeitgeist to give the ultimate, stunning, backknuckle potency: Wiseabove. Wanna join this useFULL idiot Upstairs 4 the most zany, kooky, X-acto-knife antidotes? Extremely exquisite, explicit endorphins in abundance? Puh-lenty of pulverizingly-tantalizing psychopathic psychosomatics with eXtras? i2i-kick-velocity's-ass-ultra-maximum-rocket-fuel-party-hardy at my pad ya ever encountered without d'New Joisey accent 4 an eternal slew of precarious, magnanimous & primeval absurdities indelibly etched in the granite corridors of eternity with a total-barrage-of-melt-in-thy-mouth 'depth-of-undenial'???

Make Your Choice  -SAW
...cuzz nobody gitts outta here alive, earthling.

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

I sooo wish you could have
the kinda accident I had [NDE]
THEN! you'd know our lifelong
demise is only a litmus test
to see which direction we'll
fly at our General Judgement.
Check-this-out:

Yes, earthling, Im an NDE
so I actually know God exists:
He rewards those who HONOR n RESPECT
Him and strive to follow His Laws;
for those who wanna know what
Seventh-Heaven holds for your
indelible, magnificent soul whom
God has so carefully crafted:

Find-out what RCIA means and join.
[denying Hell will not prevent U.S.
from falling INTO Hellfire, child]

Jesus is the Just Judge.
He only 'reads' what OUR past,
mortal lifetime consisted of;
I'd also strongly urge you to read
'Lui et moi' by Gabrielle Bossis
(a French writer, translated, into
crystal-clear, 100,000W-GE-prose -
a must have for anyone who's
growin-UP in our predestined
relationship determined by YOU).

Make Your Choice -SAW
trustNjesus.
ALWAYS.
God bless you.