Monday, July 23, 2007

Advertisement - Soypork


Artwork by Mike Underhill

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

This stuff is not as horrible as you might think.

Anonymous said...

I wish they'd just lie to us about this stuff. I don't want to eat "100% farm-like substance".

Anonymous said...

I wonder if it's Kosher?

Barrio Billy said...

This stuff isn't too bad if you shred it and give it the barbeque treatment.

I've got a recipe for a good marinade, if anyone is interested.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe this drek is served to sentient humanoids. Fucking gross it is.

Anonymous said...

I prefer your classic devil rat and cat kebab to the drek.

Anonymous said...

Is cat kebab Kosher?

Anonymous said...

I like kebabs roasted over my Ares flamethrower.

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmmmm... I love the smell of Napalm in the morning!

Wonder if Napalm is Kosher?

Anonymous said...

Money, nothing is Kosher in 2070 except filet of Rabbi, and I wouldn't eat that if I were you either.

Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for chun's scientific nutritional analysis of soy pork. I love that guy.

Anonymous said...

Filet of Rabbi?

Oy Vey!

Wonder if I can get a deal on it?

OK, OK, OK, I'll stop before the beatings start!

Trigger said...

I know a ghoul that squats in this broken old shop down the block that will pay big money for Fillet of Rabbi if you can't get your hands on some of it ^_^

Anonymous said...

People often wonder why we eat soy, mycoprotein, and krill-based foods when there are real animals we could be eating instead. After all, while it is provably true that the amount of land area and energy that goes into a kilogram of pig is substantially larger than the amount of inputs required to flavor a textured legume product to be pork-like - it is also true that the corporations who put food product in your faucet aren't really known for giving a rat's hoop one way or the other about environmental impact.

The central key to understand is that animals are really dangerous. Real chickens become cockatrices, shadow roosters, and doom heralds about 1% of the time after their first molt. Real pigs become new boar, catoblepas, and rage swine - again about one time in a hundred. So putting together a "farm" that grows animals for consumption at any reasonable rate produces a fairly large amount of "back blast" in the form of awakened animals that are a serious threat to the life of the farmers.

In 2005, the United States grew 9.5 million tonnes of pork in a year - and if that kind of thing was attempted it would result in about two hundred thousand catoblepas running amok each year - and that's wholly unacceptable. Piggeries are still possible, but each piglet has to be carefully monitored every day for potential magical powers - because if it isn't promptly culled it will start firing off the death rays in a short amount of time.

---

There was also a question about the Kosher-quality of soy pork. The answer is: it depends. For the "reform" Muslim or Jew, the fact that soy pork is not actually an animal (let alone a filthy one) is enough to take it off the banned list. You can see many people walk right out of synnagogue and grab a soy-pork hot dog from a street vendor. That's fine.

Orthodox and radical movements see the soy pork very differently. Since it is specifically pork-like it qualifies as tref despite the fact that no cloven-hooved non-cud chewing animals are involved at any point in the process.

The interesting part is the Left-Handers of Islam. Again, the moderate factions will scarf down a soy pork sandwhich without a second thought. And again, the Radicals won't do it - although in this case because it isn't really made out of anything proscribed by God.

It's really interesting how groups of fundamentalists can aggree on so many things.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I've hunted new boar outside Calgary. Meanness on the hoof! And as sharp as a box of ball pein hammers.

But very good eating.

And decidedly non-Kosher. ;-P

Anonymous said...

This thread makes me laugh. And that's not an easy task.

Anonymous said...

This thread has got me hungry for Pork.

Or Fillet of Rabbi.

Guess I'll have to load up the ol' hunting rifle and see what I can find.

Anonymous said...

As long as it's Kosher

Anonymous said...

I have to agree on the BBQ treatment... nothing like having a BBQ sandwich in one hand and a cigar in the other while you're watching a place burn to the ground as the world goes to hell. Who cares what its actually made of anyway... it's GOT to be better than an MRE.